It is time to face one of my demons. This picture and comments were published in the newspaper at the end of school. Here is the translation for you:
- Cries at bad exam results
- Regular at Bistro “Chez Frietsch”
- Quote Martina: “My IQ is average to intelligent”
- From a trustworthy source we know she hates all her classmates
These comments where hurtful and still are. I feel as if I have to justify myself but I do not have to. These comments are simply nasty, twisted around and taken out of context.
Yes I used to cry at bad results as I worked pretty bloody hard to get good results. I had to study besides working in a casual job as I lived by myself (well with my partner who studied) and had to earn the money to survive as I haven’t been given a single cent by my parents once I moved out. Bad results meant I couldn’t get the high enough marks to study architecture which was what I really wanted to do. Every bad mark I got threw that plan out of the window.
I had IQ tests done when I was a teenager due to ongoing really nasty migraine attacks. Back in the days, they tried to work out if something is wrong with your brain if you suffer under those conditions not even considering mobbing and bullying at school. Anyway the subject was part of our Biology class and we were asked if we ever had an IQ test done and how the results were being marked.
And to the subject of hating the whole class, well this was as far away from the truth as it could have possibly been. I felt everybody hated me and had nothing to do then talking nastily behind my back. I felt alone and unliked. I gave a few nasty bitching people the power to turn me in this unlovable and lonesome girl. Bullying teachers didn’t help the whole situation and all I could do was to stay away from school and feel sorry for myself.
Still to this day it is so easy to fall back into the victim role instead of standing up for myself, be open and focus on the happiness and trust that is being shared amongst people. Still too often I see myself as outsider, especially as I have chosen to move to the other side of the world and be naturally different. Easy to find reasons why people would exclude me or do not want to hang out with me. Truth is, you get what you give! Be open and people will be open towards you. Trust and people will trust you. There will always be people that are not on your wave lengths but that does not mean they dislike you. You simply have nothing in common. And that is ok. People are different and some people you will get along like a log on fire instantly with others you have to work on the relationship and with some people nothing more than Hello and Good Bye will be happening. Nevertheless, this can and should be still always a friendly and open encounter.
Writing this down and be open about is, is one way for me to forgive myself and others involved in all these happening. Now I can move on and never again should this situation have a hold over me!
Blessings to you all!
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